Reiner Braun's magical hips
by MarvelousWonders
Summary: In this picture you can clearly see that Reiner has some very awesome hips. And I, being the big fangirl I am, felt obliged to write something about them. So here it is: a fic devoted to a pair of magical hips and the toll they take on the poor members of the 104th.


I apologize for every mistake I made in advance. Please excuse at least some of my errors because I'm from Germany and thus normally speaking German, not English. If you have any tips for me how to avoid certain mistakes I would be more than delighted to hear them.

Anyway, have fun!

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It's against the law. Or rather it should be. But sadly that's not the case and the reason why he has to deal with a raging boner every night because Reiner Braun, of all people, insists on teasing the hell out of him with his goddamn horrible (and oh so sinfully delicious looking) hips. Reiner Braun, who is built like a wall and easily the manliest guy in their whole squad, moves like a girl.

To tell the truth, it doesn't really matter whether or not he's moving around, because Reiner always finds a way to highlighten this part of his anatomy. When he's standing around, he doesn't stand upright like any proper soldier should, no, instead he's jutting them out like he wants to tell everyone that he has the best looking hips ever. And worst of all is that it's working.

But an unmoving Reiner is still better than a moving Reiner because while you sure as hell get envious on the former and maybe even a little turned on from it (because damn, those hips aren't human) the latter is absolutely disastrous.

There's a reason why Shadis ordered Reiner to always run at the end of their group whenever they have to do their laps. And it's certainly not to make sure that Armin doesn't fall behind even though Reiner himself seems to be of this opinion, but rather to keep him from distracting the rest of them. Under normal circumstances no one would be bothered to have someone like Reiner – pure muscle and not all that attractive – run in front of them, but it's Reiner and that's exactly the problem.

Reiner doesn't run – or walk – around like every other male (or female) in the military, he sways. In a very, very sensual and erotic looking way. And really, who on earth would want to get turned on by watching a boy run? That's right, only perverts. The sudden boners aren't even the most annoying consequences you have to deal with after getting your share of Reiner's awesome hips, the real problem are the dirty thoughts that invade your brain unbidden and refuse to leave ever again. And instead of getting less over time, they just seem to get more and more and every single one of them is dirtier than the last.

To sum it up: Having to be on a squad with Reiner Braun is hell.

At least he's not the only one who has to suffer under it, so he knows all of this isn't just happening in his imagination. Literally no one is save from Reiner's magical hips. It doesn't matter if you're a boy or a girl, homo- or heterosexual, old or young, married or single, higher-up or some subordinate, mean or nice. In the two years they spend training together there hasn't been one single person who was able to escape his spell. The only thing you need to do in order become it's next victim is to look at Reiner and BAM you're caught. He knows this because the same happened to him and he made it his mission to break free from this spell. That's the reason why he observes every newcomer and his/her reactions towards Reiner, because he's sure (not so sure anymore) that there exists at least one person that's able to resist his spell and no matter what it takes he's going to find that person and beg him/her to teach him how to get immune to. Needless to say that he still hasn't found that person and that he was also unable to free himself from Reiner's hips. The only thing about this whole situation that makes him at least somewhat happy (because what the fuck is there to be happy about when a straight guy has constant erotic dreams about another guy?!) is that many people have got it worse than him.

Ymir for an example, who everyone knows to be a lesbian, is constantly concentrating all of her attention towards Krista, but as soon as Reiner's in the picture as well, said attention is divided between him and Ymir's love-interest. And man, is she pissed about that.

Another victim, and probably the longest suffering out of them all is Bertolt. One could say that the reason why he sweats so much, talks nearly never and is almost always found to be standing slightly behind Reiner, is that he's shy. But that's not entirely true. The guy may lack any sort of will on his own but he is a closet pervert. Because as soon as he believes himself to not be watched, he's always staring at one specific point: His best friend's hips.

Not even the always cool Mikasa is spared because whenever an opportunity presents itself, she suddenly finds a reason to stare at Reiner (just like every other member of their squad).

It wouldn't even be that creepy if it would be just the 104th that would do the staring, but no, everyone does it, entirely unashamed.

For an example when the famous commander Erwin Smith came to inspect the new cadets and got a nice view of a sweaty Reiner battling Eren in hand-to-hand combat the only thing he was able to do for nearly a minute was to stand there beside head instructor Shadis and look.

But Smith is still harmless, especially in comparison to others.

On one of their seldom free days the 104th were allowed to go to the city till late in the night and when they were finally ready to go back to their sleeping quarters, they had a run-in with some drunken off of their asses members of the military police. As was their duty as fellow soldiers (or so Reiner said) they made sure to get them back safely, even though it meant a huge detour for themselves. Because he was the strongest of their bunch, Reiner took care of the heaviest of them, a giant even bigger than Bertolt who was to drunken to walk. Since he was the one leading them to the barracks, everyone was free to envy him and do nothing but walk faster while the stupid (or very clever, it depends) drunkard kept taking advantage of the situation and used his cozy spot on Reiner's back to fondle every inch of Reiner-meat he could reach. With this kind of attitude he had already earned the hate of their whole squad (save Reiner, who oblivious to the whole thing and thought that all the grabbing was a result of the poor guys drunkenness) but the dumbass managed to worsen his situation considerably by deciding that a big staircase is the ideal place to kick the one carrying you in the kneecap. For about ten seconds it worked perfectly. While Reiner lay buried under the heavy weight of the soldier, writhing in pain and gasping for breath and everyone else to shocked to do something, the brute had the best time of his life and touched every bit of exposed skin he could get. Needless to say that he was the one in need of a doctor after Bertolt was finished with him. No one had ever seen him this angry before.

While the drunkard had been by far the worst of Reiner's admirers, there was another one who was even bolder, but less obvious (only for Reiner) than him. Their head instructor Keith Shadis took every chance he got to get his hands on Reiner during practice. If it were anyone else he would shout at them or make them suffer in some cruel way as a punishment for something done wrong, but when Reiner was the culprit he would always take his time to show him physically what he did wrong. And because he was their instructor and fucking frightening as well they couldn't say anything against it. But it made them green with envy, every single day, and that's why the whole 104th decided that he was the most insufferable of all the stupid adults.

ÁNYWAY, there's apparently no solution to the problem of Reiner's stupid magical hips, which is a really huge issue. After all how is he supposed to ever get a cute girl when all he can think about is the sensual sway of those beautiful hips?


End file.
